I Am a Work in Progress

God is so good!  He has given us two children who have turned our world upside-down while filling our cups with laughter, silliness, joy, innocence, dancing, singing, stories, imagination, crumbs, and --yes-- chaos! 

But He has also used them to inspire change within us resulting in more patience, humility, discipline, maturity, conviction, compassion, integrity, trust, and beyond all of that LOVE in our own lives.

Being a parent has convicted me to step up to the plate (or cup) that God has filled brimming full in my life, as I strive be the person I want my children to become. 

Are you following me?  

As a parent I have certainly become more aware of my own shortcomings and the need for the Holy Spirit to be the air I breathe.

Let me explain...

I have never needed more patience than with my two eager and rambunctious little people, who have strong wills and ideals of their own.   This should speak for itself.  Can I get an Amen?!

Just as marriage has taught me humility, being a mommy has too.  So very much!  I have to humble myself and say "sorry" when I have messed up.  It happens all too often.  I've raised my voice (too loudly) when I've felt out of control. :(  I have misunderstood the kids and sent the wrong one to time-out...  I am guilty!  When I do these things, I always come and apologize sincerely to them to set an example and let them know mommy needs God's help, too!  I'm all too familiar with the taste of humble pie, and that's ok.  I'm a work in progress!

I not only discipline my children in love when they need correction, but I have had to discipline myself in my schedule and duties as a woman and mommy!  One way I do this is I set the alarm to go off before my kids get up in the morning.  This way I drink my first cup of coffee and talk to God as the sun comes up.  It's not easy, but it's better than waking up to "mommy, mommy!"  and getting quite literally a running start right out of bed.  For me this works better.  We're all different!  :)  I need my time to shake off my sleepy head and wake up.  There are too many examples to say of how a parent sacrifices and disciplines oneself to make sure they are doing what's right for the family.

I want my children to see my convictions.  My faith in the Lord is everything, and what I believe He has called for me to do--or not do.  I need to acknowledge what these are as a parent... I'm still learning!  But I seek God to get a clear understanding of what He wants me to stand for and against, what is really important in life, and where my passions are.  Our children watch and listen to us intently--whether we know it or not--and I want to live a life of with intention and conviction.  As they grow older this will become even more important!

I'm learning what compassion is every minute as I'm beckoned to their little "needs".  Little minds can be distraught over such things as a favorite blanket being lost.  A boo boo that needs a prayer, and a kiss before getting back on the tricycle, or a little girl afraid of the wall "flashing" at night.  I'm trying to show compassion when I see my little ones needing me for what seems like nothing at all, because I was a child once.  I remember how sometimes I just needed to extra hug and "it will be ok" from Mom before I could go on.  So many times those things seem to arise at in opportune moments.   Like when I've finally fallen asleep, when they've finally fallen, or when I'm on the phone with the dentist office, but I am working on compassionate tone of voice instead of a harried one in response.  Compassion goes a long way in little hearts.  

I am working on being a mama of integrity.  I want to walk the talk.  Even in the small things like if I said I would get all the birthday balloons down so my son could play with them right after he naps, I want to do just that.  If I tell them that we would have bedtime reading and rocking chair time, I want to stay true to my word.   It also applies, if I say that one more time and "you will be in trouble", I stick to my word.  I want them to know what mommy says, they can count on!  I especially believe a person who follows Christ should have integrity if they want anyone to listen what they say.  Integrity is what helps to build ...

Trust.  This has been a big one for us.  Since our children were adopted, Heath and I had to earn their trust, and they've had to earn ours.  This does not happen overnight!  After 10 months, we've established a bond of trust that is now strong, thanks to God answering our many prayers for this!  As you know, trust is a huge component for any healthy relationship, especially between child and parent.  It's almost everything.  I was pretty discouraged in the beginning, because most babies seem to be born trusting their mommies and we didn't have that bond.  God was faithful and gave us the patience and hope we needed to push through the difficulties in the beginning.  Now we know each other and they understand how much we love them!  We follow through with what we say and we've opened our hearts to them fully, so we've come to earn their trust.  It's a beautiful thing!  My trust in God, on the other hand, for the lives of my children is massive and probably another post altogether. 

Our cups runneth over with love for our son and daughter!!  This really can't be explained.  Love is something that I feel is continually growing and because of my great love for them, I seek more patience, humility, discipline, maturity, conviction, compassion, integrity and trust in my life.  

God's love overflows in my own life, and it's that outpouring that runs off and into my marriage and children.  He is the wellspring (of life)!  

I honestly don't think I would be even a good parent at all without Jesus in my life helping!  I'm not kidding!  

While parenting is hard work,  I have the ultimate parent in my father God to learn from!  As parents, we are learning and growing on the inside just as our children are.  I need God just as they do!  The more I see my similarities and my kids', the better I know how to parent.

I am a work in progress!!

As you can see, both our children just celebrated birthdays!  We now have a 3 & 4 year old!  I pray in Jesus name this by far their most joyful year yet!!!

Marriage Retreat

Last week has been an incredible one for us and was a long time coming! 

I don't claim to have parenting advice since I've only been one for 9 1/2 months.  Saying that, here is one piece for those of you who are married with children, or planning a future including those things one day.  This is something that I've known all along, but now that we're parents it's quite valuable!

Keep your marriage and spouse your #1 priority under God!  

My husband comes first, and our children a close second.  Everything else is after them.

What good is it if you are super-hero, rock-star, "parent of the year", if you're failing to meet your spouses needs?  While some may think that is extreme, the truth is that my relationship with Heath lies so much of my little children's security.  

Please hear me.  This is not meant to be any sort of guilt-trip at all!!

I think we all go through times when our caring for our children overtakes our marriage, but I want to be intentional in taking it back.  Jesus Christ should be our family's cornerstone for us to not only survive -- but thrive together--and with His guidance, finding a balance is possible!  

Here are some reasons to carve out time for your marriage:

1. Our marriages need to be nurtured so that in turn we can set an example of what sacrificial, whole-hearted love looks like to our children, and hopefully they will love with the same passion in their own marriage one day.  

2. So we can be a team in parenting, and on the same page as we raise our children together.  It's hard to do when there isn't much communication flowing in a marriage, but it can be easier and fun to train children when you have a partner who will support you along the way!

3. We will be married --by the grace of God-- far longer than we will have children at home!  We need to water and tend to the relationship that was set in a covenant before God!  I want to go through the my entire life with my best friend being just that, even once we're empty nesters!

4. Those are just a few of the many reasons I want to keep our marriage so important in my life, but the most is probably because I love Heath soooo much and I simply miss him!  I miss the heart-connection during the chaotic, tiresome days that sometimes turn into weeks or months between his hectic work schedule and my full home life.  

I feel so thankful to the Lord that I married someone with whom I am so in love with, but we still need to put in an effort to make sure we don't over look one another.  We were at the point where Heath and I need time to focus primarily and solely on each other.  It had been several months.... Well honestly maybe years since we've had time like this together!  We're going to do our best to not let that happen again.

This week, our parents kept our little sweet peas so that Heath and I could have sort of a "stay-cation" at home.  This was actually a week of intentional-reconnection on a deep level, and while Heath did work during days, when he was home we made it all about each other and the other one's needs.  It was amazing!!  :)

Folks, you don't need to have the beach or a luxury hotel for this (although nice), if you need a time of refreshing with your spouse it can be done at home!!  We don't have family closer than 3 1/2 hours away, so that is one reason why we needed a chunk of time for this.  It's not like we have regular date nights right now, and so it was just easier in our case to make this retreat last few days.  Anywho, I wanted to share some pictures of the week.  I wanted to take more of each other since usually it's all about our children instead of ourselves.  Ha, I just can't take enough photos of our kids!! :)  I think they're the cutest things!

Let me share a few of the highlights of our week:

One night we watched a movie at home and made homemade popcorn.  Always so much fun!!! It snowed all afternoon and night, so it was awfully romantic to sit by the fire with my Love.

Another night, we decided to dress up and go out on a date to a really good restaurant we probably wouldn't take the kids to, at their age.  We wanted to try out something new together, and had so much fun!!

After all, food is our thing!  We have always connected over delicious, unique food and music!

We decided to go to a highly recommended restaurant in the heart of Louisville called, Eiderdown.  It was perfect!

The food is a Deep South interpretation on Bavarian (southern German) cuisine.  The food was down home and yet presented beautifully!  We ordered the German pretzel sticks with house made mustards... Highly recommend!  They were chewy and buttery.  

I ordered the roasted chicken on a bed of grits with collard greens and sausage and it came with a slice of crusty bread. -- shown here

Heath got the spaetzel with goat cheese and sausage.  Yum!!

Everything was divine... Even the coffee!

The atmosphere was cozy and romantic with a single flower on each table with a lit candle, and dim lighting by way of spotlights and chandelers.  It's located in an old inconspicuous building, but the inside is redone and still has exposed brick and original hardwoods in the main dining room.  Our kind of place!  We were seated at a two top by the window, and it was lovely.

The next night, I decided to make a nice candlelit dinner.  It's rare for me to go to such lengths for dinner anymore as a mommy, but since I enjoy showing my love through cooking, I knew a special dinner was in order for my man.

I got started too late on cooking the meal :( , so we had an evening dinner around 8:15.   Good thing Heath was fine with that, and was just so thankful for it at all.  I made an appetizer plate with sliced bread, assorted pickles, mustard, and cheese to munch on while it all cooked.  Yay, for improvising!

For the meal, we had a baguette of soft dark oatmeal bread and a crusty baguette.  The salad was a Bibb, strawberry and feta cheese salad.  I also added tomatoes and toasted walnuts with balsamic dressing.

Our entree was fall off the bone, braised short ribs with creamy Yukon gold mashed potatoes.  It turned out better than I had hoped!  They cooked low and slow in the oven for about 2 1/2 hours.  Both of these recipes come from the Pioneer Woman, and are relatively simple, but include good ingredients!

I'm not a "selfie" person unless it includes somebody else, but here I am in my bright pink coat about to go to Barnes and Noble to just browse the isles and read.  What a treat!

I snuck in a s'more cupcake at The Cheddar Box.  Did I mention, this was a week to splurge??!

Heath treated me to a surprise spa day on Thursday!!!  

I've never in my life had such a wonderful experience!  I left feeling like a goddess!  My body was so relaxed and refreshed, and my face was clean and illuminating.  Sigh... It was like a dream.  (Amazing... Especially for a girl who sometimes forgets to wash her face anymore.)

Honey, thank you with all of my heart!!!!

We also prayed together a lot, read in the Word, and just talked about our life, goals and shared our heart.  I love doing that with him!  I've never been so intentional with Heath, and I have loved it!  I absolutely love serving him, and listening to his ideals, concerns, prayer requests, and just whatever.  I'm constantly learning more about him.  We listened to music, he played guitar and we sang.  We did everything we have so been longing to do for a while, but never do.  

We slowed way down.  This literally hasn't happened in a very long time.  Life living away from family with a hubby in residency and two 3 year olds is usually fast paced, (but fun)!

What a sweet, loving, gracious heavenly Father I have.  He sure gives rest to the weary, and gives us our hearts desires!  Thanks to our parents for allowing us to nurture our marriage by keeping our kids, but I have a strong feeling that it was their pleasure!  I know the kids have had a big time!  I'm so glad they're getting time to really connect with our parents, too. 

I just had to share with you what God has done in our life this week.  I am walking with my life long love and friend, and we ride the waves together in every season that comes,  the calm and in the storm.  We have sure seen them all.  I want to invest time, effort, and love into him, even now that we have children.  He is no less important to me!

I truly want to date Heath forever!  I pray that as we place our marriage first, we're leaving a legacy of godly love to our children and for generations to come.  

Matt. 11:28

Phil. 3:19

Psalm 67:11

Eph. 5:22-28

Gen. 2:24

~Mommy

Love Remains

Our first Valentines as a family was nothing short of wonderful!

I wasn't expecting much of one since Heath was scheduled to work both Friday and Saturday night. 

To my surprise and delight, Thursday when he came home from work he handed me a bouquet gorgeous roses that faded from deep pink to delicate ballet slipper pink petals.  They were perfect for me.  He even arranged them in my favorite silver pitcher.   He also surprised me with chocolate covered strawberries and a special gift that I completely didn't expect at all!!!

Heath was dressed so handsome in a suit and tie already since he had a big presentation that day, so we decided to use a gift card we had to The Cheesecake Factory and all go for a family Valentines dinner!  I usually cook Italian for the two of us on Valentines Day, but this surprise of going out as a family sounded good to me!  We dressed up the children too, and they looked so sweet.  Yes, our daughter did wear shoes to the restaurant. ;)

We had a long wait there, but never worry, the kids danced enough in restaurant to entertain everybody around!! Especially Sissy, she really knows how to make new friends.  

She loves attention!!  What a little ham we've got on our hands. ;)

He is a little charmer to all the ladies with that precious grin.

I was so proud of my family!

We came home with two very sleepy children, which worked out perfectly for Heath and I to have our own date at home together... Sometimes those are the best kind!

I've decided to never write off any day, because you never know what blessings they will hold. :)

The next morning we set out the kid's little stuffed animals and chocolates, a card, and I decorated with hearts to make things a little extra special!  

Kylie just had to tromp around the house in my heels, from the night before.  

She loves shoes!

I made these yummy little strawberry wafer cookies-- that I happen to love-- extra special for Bubby's Valentines day party for his class.  They are just the sweetest little things!

Just dip half the cookie in white chocolate or bark (I used equal parts), then add your favorite sprinkles! I tinted some of the chocolate with a dab of red food coloring to make them pink.  This would be great with the chocolate ones, too.  Our son helped with some of the sprinkles, and he was so proud to bring them to school!

I'll be making them again, maybe with the little round pastel sprinkles for Easter.  Which will be here soon .....hopefully the snow will be gone by then!

It was a sweet day to share as a family!  Heath and I never put too much stock in the commercialism of Valentines Day, but why not make it extra special sometimes!?  

On Valentines, our family celebrates real, honest love, while the rest of the world may not!

Ann Voscamp just wrote on her blog, A Holy Experience, about this kind of love between a husband and wife.  (She always says everything just the way I want to but never could, so just go to her blog, and read her own words. :)

She talks about love--God's way, which is the truest form--not only changes us but changes with us.  

As life happens: children come along, sleep becomes altered by sweet little ones or work filled nights, schedules get crazy.

Sickness may arise, discouragement can creep in, and unexpected dissapointments cloud idealistic views.

A move, a promotion, ministry, a new church, a new family member or a long- time prayer gets answered miraculously.

Children grow up and move out, grandchildren come, routine changes course.

Life is so full of ups and downs and changes, it seems that change is the one and only constant!

The good news is that Christ IS love!  He is faithful, steadfast, unfailing, and a constant that we can hold onto like an anchor in whatever waters we're sailing.  When a marriage has Him as the center, and His love as the third cord, it will not easily be broken!  I know from experience, this is true!

Are we perfect or is our marriage always perfect?  Heavens, no.  But we make it a priority to be open with one another and always strive make things right.  The love we have makes it worth working everything out.

I love that my man is a true romantic!  I was drawn to that about him, as I am too!  He always has been a modern knight in shining armor to me, and truly goes out of his way to meet my needs.... But mostly it's the pure love we have for each other that draws me so intimately to him!  

On unromantic, ordinary, harried, no gift, dirty hair and left over meal kind of days, we can rest in our steadfast love that doesn't need pomp and circumstance to thrive.

I'll always try to honor what this scripture says about love.  This kind is the example of love our parents have given us and we admire!  This kind is worth celebrating!

"Love is patient.  Love is kind.  Love does not boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

**I feel I need to add a disclaimer of sorts. No, we didn't name our children Sissy & Bubby!  We may be from the country, but didn't grow up under a rock, lol.  We're keeping their names private for now, on our blog. 

 

God's Grace, Cookie Crumbs, & Cabin Fever

Hiya Folks!  My name is Leslie, if you've forgotten since we last talked (forever ago!).  :)

I've really missed writing here and catching you all up on our lives!  Blogging has become so easy and enjoyable to me now that I've done it for over 4 years now.  Mind you, it's only for pleasure and no profit as some beautiful and amazingly delicious looking blogs are, but nevertheless it's a creative outlet for me that I enjoy!  I wanted to start off this year--2014--more simply.  One of the easiest ways for me to do that is lift some of the pressure off myself to blog as often.  One of the awesome things about keeping this blog and The Cozy Little Kitchen, is that I have no obligation to write... Therefore all that I say is very truly from my heart! 

Why do I feel the need to relax?  Well, for one thing (if you want to know something brutally honest about me), I can almost be compulsive about things.  I really, REALLY strive to do all things diligently, thoroughly, faithfully and to completion, and if I don't I am disappointed with myself.  I'm still learning that it's impossible to do anything without my Lord to help, much less doing things perfectly!  I think once I moved out and married Heath, with our own place and all, I developed a (tiny) bit of perfectionism.  I'm not OCD at all, but I can have too high of expectations of myself.

Example: 

I always have to clean up the kitchen perfectly every single night before sitting down to enjoy anything!  I like for all the pillows and throws to be just right on the couch before bed so I'll wake up to an aesthetically pleasing living room.  I usually always feel the need to fully put makeup on and fix hair to go out for errands.  I blame being a hairdresser, where that was literally part of my job description.   Please know these things are only me, not Heath!   He is amazing at never adding pressure to my load, but being a help and stress reliever when I try to do too much. I think he noticed my perfectionist tendencies even before I did!

Those examples are a just few things to give you an idea of how within 9 years of the same kind of routine I was able to --sometimes painstakingly-- accomplish almost any housework duty, work obligation, church responsibility, family- friend commitments, and personal goals that I made.  Almost, but of course not perfectly!  ;)

Enter 2 tiny, energetic, rambunctious, beautiful, loving children.  

Everything changes!!!

In order for my sanity to stay intact I have been asking God to help me "loosen up" on some of my high standards of cleanliness, appearance, and always naturally perky demeanor.  I have also had to ask and receive grace from Him for my stinky attitudes, pity parties, and less frequent Jesus quiet times, which is probably the answer.  

Now I need to ask you, my family and friends, for patience as I am not calling y'all nearly as often, not quick to reply to your texts, emails and messages, not as available for to you on your sad or sick days, or your showers and parties, and in general stammering just to get sentences out for lack of opportunities to talk with adults!  (I feel like a lame friend.)

I am having to accept that I am in a very fruitful season but also challenging season of life (with 2 growing little children and a busy hubby) that requires more patience, more need for grace, more of my attention and energy, and less cleanliness in general.  Ok, yes crumbs in the kid's car seat cup holders are going to happen, pillows will be scattered around the house like ants at a picnic, my hair will sport more buns and dry shampoo, and laundry will get piled up if nothing else but for the fact it's in the basement!  Thank you cards may be forgotten and volunteer opportunities will be passed up.  It's okay if I have to rely on breakfast bars some mornings or if the cookies we make aren't from scratch!

When we make and decorate cookies (embarrassingly) my tendency would be to make sure they don't make a mess, but they are 2 & 3!!! This is the only time in their lives when messes can me made and it's really okay.  It's part of the fun, and now that I expect that... I love it and have the best time getting sticky and messy myself!   They're challenging me to get back to my childhood days of my own messes in the kitchen in order to make delicious cookies with my loved ones!!

Life happens.  

Life is happening!!!  That's what I don't want to miss.

I don't want to miss the sweetness of my  daughter "makin" in her kitchen, tiny kisses on my leg, or funny moments when my son tries to make me laugh, because I'm constantly whirling around while trying to keep up with everything!  I think if I did, I would look back with so much regret and say how it's just not worth it!!!  I'm asking God for help as I continue to adjust to my new normal.  I LOVE being mommy but with it comes so many changes, and I want my life to flow with those.  I need to lean into the changes instead of resist.  I'm trusting God will help me re-balance my life to fit my family.  He did it once, and He'll do it again!!

This blog is such a blessing to me, just being able to share my heart across the miles!   I have had so many pics and heartfelt stories to share of the kids, but I can't blog about them all.  Luckily, if you're a non-blog world friend you see many on Facebook.  My posts may not be as frequent as I would like, because it's not worth making a blog happen if it means taking away the time I need with Heath after the kids go to bed or a nap when they're laying down to revive my body.  

I have to be okay with not doing it all, all of the time!!

With that being said, I also think a little less e-time will free me up to do what I've put on the back burner for a couple years.  Reading real books! :)

I've already finished my first book, Balancing It All by Candace Cameron Burre.  It was just what I needed to read!  Fantastic book about her life from the beginning to the present and her real life struggles with keeping a balance on priorities.  She certainly has a full plate, but God has given her wisdom to how to do life where it gives her joy and glorifies Him!

I'm starting to burn up the library with our kids, and in fact that's a goal of mine for this year.  Lots of library time!  I grew up there and we checked countless books out every week.  I want my kids to have those memories, too!  Right now, our daughter is really into Clifford's First Autumn and The Little Engine That Could's Valentines Day Surprise and Our son loves these two dinosaur books that's probably over his age, but are fascinating!  He is really into dinosaurs now, so we watched The Land Before Time (XIII) this week and they loved it!  I can't wait until they're old enough to appreciate history museums!  We'll have to visit Taylor in Chicago and go to the Fields!

Today I made chicken stock for the second time, and I'm loving it!!  I use what's left from rotisserie chickens I buy, add veggies, garlic, herbs and water to simmer for 4 hours.  The house simply smells amazing as it reduces down to flavorful stock.  Perfect for a pot of soup this week!  

The snow has been a constant almost the whole month of January, and I must say it was gorgeous!!!  We so much love to watch it fall and bundle up to play outside!  Sometimes it's hard for me to want to do all the bundling, layering, and getting outside (with empty bladders), but it's always fun and so worth it to play with the kids!  Heath and I usually make cocoa with marshmallows when we come in from playing on the cold snowy days!  I have to admit I almost got a serious case of cabin fever with as many single digit temps as we've had, but I've been trying to get more creative by building tents in the house, baking and decorating cookies together, and playing marching band, or hide and seek!

As January closed, I can't help but be excited to look forward as Heath will have a little more time at home this month and we'll be celebrating our baby girl's birthday!!  Good things are here and more to come thanks to my Redeemer.  I need Him to be any sort of mom and wife at all!!! 

Please stay warm out there and, oh,

Happy February!

~Mommy

Yes and Amen: Our Adoption Journey, In a Nutshell

Tuesday was a very special day in our lives.  Monumental for our family, for we officially, legally finalized the adoption of our children!!!

It's all finished.

Done.

Nothing can turn reverse this adoption!  (Just to clarify, once an adoption is finalized, a birth family cannot take the baby/child away.  I've seen tv shows and movies that twist this truth, I guess for entertainment's sake.)

Sissy & Bubby (as we like to call them) now share our last name, and we're a forever family!!!  They have new birth certificates and social security numbers, too.  The fingerprint on our precious children's lives is just as changed as ours is.  We go forward in life together, from here to eternity!

Let me rewind and share with you some of the journey that lead us to our children. I know that every single adoption story is different, and each family has a different experience.  Ours was shorter than most, but had it's share of ups and downs. I don't have time to write nearly all the details in just one blog post, but this will give you a good idea of how fast things changed and the reason behind it all...

We really had no clue last Christmas (2012) would be our last without children, but once again we were hopeful for a miracle.  That's exactly what we received!   After 6 1/2 of years of wanting a baby either natural or adoptive, we started this process with gusto back on January 6th 2013.  

11 months ago, I remember we went online to apply for the real application to start our home study, and while we thought we had an idea of the route to take to get to our child, we really didn't. Lol!  We did know that we wanted to adopt because we had so much love we wanted to share, and we knew it was time to start.  We also knew we wanted a baby under about 13 months old.  

We began doing an international adoption homestudy with the intention of adopting from South Korea.  This was after prayer and extensive research on the different countries, requirements, age range of children and parents who apply, wait time, and the travel time.  There is a lot to consider when honing in on a country!  I journaled a detailed prayer for this child and began praying that.  Day after day.  

In February we got some startling news that we didn't expect.

We found out the very long running, reliable adoption program in Korea was changing, and not for our benefit.  This was really disheartening, but we prayed about it.  We decided it was too risky for us to continue to pursue Korea, sadly.  We weren't sure where to go from there.  Meanwhile, this entire time we were trucking through loads of paperwork, fingerprinting, background checks, home visits, etc.  Heath was busy with work, but as a homemaker, the adoption process sort of became my job.  I was organized from the start, because I knew it was the only way I could have the patience and ability to get through all the paperwork. I highly recommend using a huge binder here, complete with folders, and keep a planner kept just for your adoption timeline and appointments. 

Not many people know this, but last February we also went to a few meetings on fostering (to adopt) while still in the homestudy process.  We decided this was not for us for a few reasons that I won't expound on here, but I think that was probably a tiny seed God planted in our hearts to even consider the idea of adopting an American child.... A different route.  Up to this point over the years we had only had strong feelings towards international adoption.  This is why we must be open to His plan, my friends!

God was leading...

So as we continued our home study we went from pursuing South Korea to looking into the Marshall Islands.  If you can't tell already, we've been very drawn to sweet Asian children.  But not only that, there you can adopt babies, which is almost unheard of within the international adoption community. We met all of the requirements, too.   We were happy to get back on track, but in April we found out that the Marshall Islands had a crazy waiting list, so much that they aren't taking anymore applicants right now.  Kind of strange, right?!

But God was leading...

From there, we were told from our adoption agency that there is a large population of Marshallese living in Hawaii.  Many babies there are up for adoption, so we began to research it through a local attorney that has done a few of them.  

This change of plans was just another kink in our decision.  We felt a little uneasy about this route in HI.  We never truly had a peace about it...

You know, when you have a decision to make (in our case, a big one), and there is just "something" that just feels uneasy. I know now that it was the Holy Spirit.  In this case, there were just too many unanswered questions, but we knew this particular adoption was going to be a whole lot of money because it's not done through an agency, but an attorney only and because it's Hawaii.  Even more than Korea, it would be around $35,000 + the cost of 2 trips to HI and back, + this route could possibly expedite quickly so and we would need lots of funds and fast!!

I know money can be an uncomfortable subject, but let's face it, it is a factor.   Although, we knew if God was leading us to a baby from there, He would provide the way!  At least, that is what He kept reminding me in my anxious days that I had.  Speaking of, yes, I had many stressful days last winter and spring.  God helped me overcome them all, but at one point I was having pretty severe  pain in my neck, shoulder, & going up inside my ear!  I even went to a clinic, and they couldn't explain it.  I looked fine from a medical standpoint so they said it was probably due to stress.  It lasted about 3 weeks.  Now looking back, we both agree it was stress causing me to stay very tense, even in my sleep, that lead to awful pain.  Thank you Jesus for my healing.  

The adoption process is exciting because you know you're getting closer to your child, but it can be an intense process on many different levels!  You --and your husband--are carrying the baby in another way... Emotionally. Mentally. Financially. Just not physically.

It was mid-April, we still were on the fence with the country,  and our homestudy was about to be complete.  If we were going to go with HI, we would need to revise some of the hard work of the past 4 months and complete a domestic homestudy instead of international.  A big change!

But God was leading...

So as we and our parents were praying about the entire thing,  we felt lead to do "straight up" domestic.  Not a HI Marshallese baby, but a lower 48 states baby, from a pregnant mother who chose life and adoption (instead of abortion).  Domestic like this is getting a baby from the hospital, willingly from the birth parents.  The downside of this can be that usually in most states there is a waiting period of so many weeks that the birth mom can change her mind and keep the baby, before it's finalized.  This had always scared the patootie out of me!    It's one of the main reason I've always preferred international adoption, personally.   

But God....

We both agreed, after SO much prayer and intercession with God.  Seeking His plan for our lives that we would do a domestic adoption from the lower 48.  We had two very reputable agencies in mind.  We knew families that had successfully adopted babies through these agencies.  

(On a side note: There are so many questions you may have about adoption just from reading this post.  I'm sorry that I can't go into all the details here if I want to finish writing this in one day.  Soon I'll write a post sharing with all of you some adoption trivia, facts, and definitions of terms to help you understand the process more clearly. :) I know how you may be getting lost on this detailed description of our journey, but it all leads up to this week!)

It's now the end of April, we're sending out announcements, and our home study is complete!!

We're at the point that we need to send in the name of the agency--along with our homestudy--that we're wanting to go with.  So it begins.  

Lists of pros and cons.  Headaches. Trying to (start and) finish our profile book we were told to make when we decided to switch over to domestic.  I was beginning to raise money with a derby pie fundraiser that was amazing but exhausting only because I was making dozens of pies a week on top of completing the pivotal profile book, on top of preparing for my very first speaking engagement (speaking not singing) at my Aunt's church the following week, on top of getting prepared to host my brother's Law School graduation party.  All awesome things, all at once!

I just began to really feel pulled in a million directions.  And yet the decision needed to be made, which agency to go with.  Sigh.

But God....

It was May 2nd, and the speaking engagement came and went.   I was left more changed than probably anyone who listened to what I had to say!  Not many know this, but accepting that invitation to speak was WAY out my comfort box!!  It was one of those things that was right up there with the "going to school naked" nightmare!!  As much as I wanted to avoid admitting it, I knew He had been preparing me for something more.  He was stretching me.

God... said, Do it!   I said yes.

I knew the Holy Spirit prompted me to speak.  I was to speak out of obedience to God. The very night I spoke at this lovely ladies banquet, there was a tangible breakthrough in my life that I could feel.  I knew something was different, and God was behind it.   I had grown to a place in my relationship with God where I completely put all my trust in Him for the first time in my life.  Free-falling is scary, BUT you know what I learned?

Obedience brings breakthrough!!!

One week exact after speaking at the banquet about my testimony, I was beginning to recover from the worst flu I've had since childhood.  I'm a bad doctor's wife who has never gotten the shot, and for no good reason.  

Why I took a pic of myself so sick, who knows, I was probably delirious. Literally! 

Did I really just show you guys that!?!! Ughhh.

Honestly, I think that the previous 3-4 weeks really took a toll on my stress levels and reeked havoc on my body.   It was apparent when I very suddenly became incredibly sick with the flu in May.  I think my poor body needed a release and forced me to stop everything.  Little did I know it would be the very last "break" for a very long time!

As I was saying, exactly one week after speaking at the banquet and overcoming -- up to that point-- one of the scariest thing I've done besides giving birth to my deceased daughter, God stretched me again.  

It was 10:00 pm, I was on the couch and my husband came in the room with an expression I've never seen before.  He was moved... excited... hopeful.  He just listened to a voicemail from the agency who did our homestudy.  They called us, out of the blue, going out on a limb considering our preference of a baby, and anxiously told us in a hurried message about 2 local siblings, a precious little boy and a little girl who needed a home right away!  They wanted, despite all our criteria, to approach us about these children, just in case.

Wha!!????!!!

I could give you all the details, but the next few days are sort of a blur.  I remember we knew hardly anything at all about them that night from the message, but we said God could give us enough love for 2 children, although their ages of 2 & 3 did scare me a bit.  I was mentally prepared for a baby!  Lol, I remember telling Heath jokingly how if we became their parents that my mom would probably need to move in, ASAP!

So, forgoing every prior intention and priority we wanted, we answered God's leading and told them we wanted to be on the list of hopeful families!  The next day, out of the 5 couples, the birth grandparents chose US!!!!!  :D

That night, my family was in town for my brother's graduation and while my parents knew the big news, I was able to share it with my grandparents face to face at a restaurant we met at.  I didn't feel real good physically, but next to my wedding day it was certainly the most exciting day of my life, and I had to share the news!!  I was bursting with excitement, joy, and wonder of the unknown.

On May 11th, we met those innocent, big eyed toddlers 2 days later (yes, I was recovering from the flu, yikes!) and they stayed in our home overnight.

This weekend was all so surreal....

It was supposed to be the weekend I was hosting my brother's party, but it quickly turned into the weekend we met our children!!!

The next week is almost a complete blur of cray-cray preparation, but with hard works and lots of support from friends and family, our house was ready for our 2 little blessings in only a matter of about 4 days.  4 DAYS from having a house fit for 2 adults and NOTHING for toddlers, to a newly painted room that was decorated, with all new beds, bedding, clothes, baby gates, car seats, etc!  See, had we continued down a regular domestic adoption for a baby, we would've had months after the homestudy to prepare!  Btw, Thank you to all of our supporters, you know who you are!!!  You helped us tremendously!

So it was Mother's Day night when they returned to their bio family after one weekend together, the way it was planned, and the next Friday morning we picked them up to come back to our home. Permanently!!!

This is the morning we got them and took their precious little hearts to their new home with us.  We were basically strangers to them, but God was beginning to do a miracle in their own hearts, too!

I'll spare y'all the the rest for now, but for time purposes--as they say--the rest is history.  6 1/2 months later they are Cates!!!  We've doubled the size of our family this year in one swoop!  Our love is so deep for our children now, and their future is so bright!!!  In this time, we've taken enormous strides in how close-knit our family has become.  Our home is their home, and we're a family, and they know that now! :D

God is a redeemer, faithful, and if you pray and seek Him, you'll be lead to where He wants you to be.  That's most definitely the best place you could ever be, because that is just how much He loves us.   

I could talk to you about our adoption journey all day and night, but I've got to get to bed!!  Keep reading and you'll probably see more of that story unfold in future posts.

:)  

~Mommy